Monday, February 27, 2006

Regrets

Well my head survived the day without wanting too explode.

Hmm, does that sound slightly pornographic or is that just my warped mind.

Anywho. I just gotta get to Wednesday and then I can get my prescription. I sometimes wonder if the thought of going dizzy makes me go dizzy. Or something like that. I feel quite tired most of the time at the minute. I could sleep all day.

Met my ex-wife today. Well, technically she is still my wife as we haven`t done the deed yet. But anyway, we lead seperate lives a lot happier so who cares what a bit of paper says. Well she`s doing ok without me. A lot better without me in fact. She`s got a good job, nice boyfriend and a cool speedy little car. Something she`s always wanted.

Zara asked me if I regret splitting up and seeing what she has without me. Or words to that effect. I`m sure she`ll comment if i`ve got it wrong.

I naturally said I have no regrets at all. Which is true the more I think about it. So why am I writing all this here. I guess I wanted to get it all in writing in case I didn`t explain myself well to her. I`m hopeless at getting my words out in the right order and usually just confuse people even more.

I don`t regret splitting up. I regret the manner in which I brought our marriage breakdown to a head. But what`s done is done. But as people we had grown apart completely. We get on great now. Mainly because we know we can happily leave each other to go to the people we love. I guess it`s like looking after someone elses baby. It`s nice for a while. It reminds you of the happier moments. But then you can hand the baby back and sigh with relief that you don`t have to deal with the messy stuff.

I don`t have any regrets about starting my new life with Zara. I may sometimes wonder if I`ve done the right thing...for both of us. She left her family and her job to move nearly 200 miles to live in a strange northern town with someone she met on the Internet. Oh God, I hope that doesn`t start filling her with regret!

I sometimes miss being on my own. But that`s because i`m quite a solitary person to begin with. It was great living on my own for a while. Doing whatever I wanted, with whoever I wanted. But I didn`t want to do that for the rest of my life.

I don`t really know how to end this post. I guess i`ll just say i`m happy. I`m content. And through all the years I was with my wife I can`t remember feeling this good (she`d probably say the same).