Thursday, June 22, 2006

Proud to be British

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign.

Only in Britain...

...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions - while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke. banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters. we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage. we use answering machines to screen call and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

...are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate. British Hospitals reported
4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.
101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of Control Scalextric cars.

and finally.........
In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.

I am proud to be British