Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Awake

It's 5am and i'm wide awake.
For some reason my brain is dumping images and memories of my brothers first crash.
He'd just woken up from intensive care.
It's not like it is in the movies.
People just don't wake up and start talking to you like they've woken up from a long sleep. Well maybe sometimes they do.
He didn't even recognise me. Couldn't speak.
It was one of the worst days of my life.

When was all this?
I really can't remember the exact date. Which might sound odd. But my brain is hopeless at retaining some information.
Zara sometimes thinks i'm lying to her about certain facts when they tend to change depending on how my brain relates to them.

t still no words
It was more like an animal looking at you. Looking towards where the sound was coming from.
I smile
He smiles.
But nothing else.
My stomach just knots up then.
He doesn't recognise me.
He has no idea who I am.
Or Tina.
Bruising to the brain affected his speech.
But the rest....it's not like it is in the movies.
The nurse soon came in to explain everything.
She had wanted to warn us what we could expect before we went in.
But I guess I was just too impatient to see my brother.

So what's my brain doing?
It's not an anniversary of the event.
Certain times bring me crashing right down and I'm in my own little dark cloud for what seems like days sometimes.

Well i've got 2 hours before I have to get ready for work.

Time to try and sleep again. See what things my stupid brain brings forth for me to mull over.